Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
