She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
