I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
