My balls are so social today.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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