I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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