sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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