I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
