I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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