just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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