my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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