i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize