You don't have asthma, your pregnant
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
