I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
