I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
