I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Vodka?
Forever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Randomize
