whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
