you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
