By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
