I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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