I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize