Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
