That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
