the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize