Tell her she can't have a vagina
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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