u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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