I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize