Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
