You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
