i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize