Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
