These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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