My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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