tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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