He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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