take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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