omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
