Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
