My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
