Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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