I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
