He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
