Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
