i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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