3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
