I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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