the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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