I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
