You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
