it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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