i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We just shotgunned beers for America
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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