my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
