I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
