it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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