I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
