She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
