The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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