after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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