I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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