I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
