I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
