a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
