I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
