im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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