i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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