and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
