dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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