Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
