I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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