No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
