Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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