It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
