My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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