He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
