A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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