The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
