My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
