do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
