I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
