I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
