We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize