yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
