u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
